Written By: Tori-Ann King
You have been in this relationship for years. You know each other’s favourite flavour of ice cream. This person has grown to be a part of you. You’ve shared some of your darkest moments together. You get each other but that was then, and now it’s over and it is hard to remember a time when you weren’t together. Who am I going to run to when something exciting happens or when I just need a hug? Can we still be friends after breaking up? Can I be happy for you and watch you move on? How do I move on?
Moving On From A Breakups
Moving on from a breakup is never easy. To me, it is kind of like when you were a kid and worked hard on building a castle out of the sand. You spend so much time and effort into making it perfect. You persevered when you wanted to stop building. Yet it was an exciting experience, so much so that the burning sensation of the sand on your toes didn’t matter. You were so dedicated to this project that you look up and finally realize that you had built it too close to the water. It was slipping from right under you and there was nothing you could do to save it. It was a good sandcastle, in fact maybe even a great sandcastle, but now it is gone and my friend, it is time to move on.
How Do I Move On?
Ana Sandoiu relates dealing with a break up to dealing with an addiction — it will take time. There will be good days and not so good days but it only gets better with time. It won’t necessarily come with colouring your hair or getting a haircut or giving yourself a makeover, but rather, with time. You will feel like you need to push yourself to get over it quickly. You might find yourself deleting all the pictures you have together, getting rid of all sentimental items and attempting to completely rid yourself from anything related to that person but after all that, then what? You need to take your time to heal. “Your thoughts might be distorted, but your feelings are real. Take the time you need to explore them.”
- Date Yourself
Depending on the length of time you have been in the relationship, chances are that you identified yourself so closely with this person that your desires and interests have become undoubtedly intertwined. So much so that you might struggle with knowing who you are without that person. This is the perfect opportunity to spend some quality time learning who you are. What are some of the sacrifices you made in your relationship? What are some of the songs you liked that your partner didn’t or activity you enjoyed that you stopped doing because of the relationship? Take some time to focus on the core and developmental things that make you, you. According to extensive research done in 2003, intimate breakups can cause or increase the risk of a number of negative mental health outcomes which includes the first onset of Major Depressive Disorder. This is because being in a relationship compromises one’s idea of self. In your newly found season of singleness, go to the movies by yourself, go eat out by yourself, enjoy your own company, enjoy independence, and enjoy you.
- Feel The Breakup But Don’t Dwell In It
Allow yourself to go through the pain and not around it. This means that it is okay to cry and it is okay to feel broken. It is not okay to stalk your ex-partner on social media or to listen to sad songs and lie in the darkness. Acknowledge how you are feeling, acknowledge that it hurts, and think of ways to healthily go through it. It might be writing, or talking to a friend, or staying away from social media for a while but whatever you do, do not sulk forever.
- Find A Way To Move On
Let us be real with ourselves for a second, there are thousands of articles and YouTube videos that address dealing with a breakup, but you and I both know that all this does is remind you of the break up, so ultimately, if you really want to know how to move on from a breakup, you just keep moving.