Member-only story
Friendship Breakup: Using Discernment With Friends
No one prepared me for the deep, horrifying pain of breaking up with my best friend. While growing up, I remember hearing adages like, “enjoy it while it lasts”, “you’ll figure out who’s really down for you”, “life-long friendship is rare; you’ll be lucky to end up with one good friend”. I thought it was all very ominous and made me nervous to find out who I’d end up losing. But once it came, I wasn’t surprised, just deeply sad. Nothing extreme or obvious took place; no theft or betrayal. It was just uncomfortable to admit that we had outgrown each other, that we no longer shared a commitment to each other’s well-being or interest in each other’s lives.
As with most things in life, discomfort yields growth. After having endured the initial emotional devastation, I can say with confidence that it was for the best. Living through a friendship breakup has been refined by an ability to discern which friendships to nurture and which to set free. We all have relationships that could take a little TLC, deep cleaning, or reinvestment, however, not every relationship deserves it. Trusting your gut is a good rule of thumb but what happens when the reasons aren’t so obvious? Herein lies 3 questions to help you discern when to hold ’em when to fold ‘em.
Shasta Nelson, the founder of…
